Unexpressed Emotions
by AnimeXisXmyXstyle
Summary: This story isn't about a girl who is pompous and gets whatever she wants, a girl who changes the heart of a cold person, not about a girl who is gifted with an amazing kekki genki, & is strong & beautifu-it's simply about a normal teenage girl. Sai/OC
1. Chapter 1

Unexpressed Emotions

* * *

This story isn't about a girl whos life had a horrible beginning and a beautiful ending. It's not about a girl who is pompous and gets whatever she wants. Not about a girl who changes the heart of a cold person. Not about a girl who is gifted with an amazing kekki genki or is strong and smart. It's simply about a normal teenage girl who lives everday believing it's an adventure. About a girl who wants to enjoy it while she can.

This girl is me. My friends call me Chishio because of my blood red eyes. I'm not sure how to explain myself so let us just say my closest friends are Tenten and Ino. Strange friends huh? I guess, I mean all Ino talks about is Sasuke Uchiha this and that. But all Tenten talks about is Neji. So I guess it's normal for an average teenage girl. My problem is I don't have a guy to brag about. Not that I'm looking. I just feel... I don't know, odd? Well, that doesn't matter at the moment really - I guess.

"Chishio!"

"What?" I said opening my eyes from my once day dream.

"Stop day dreaming," my sensei Misa comanded.

"Sorry," I said standing up and brushing off my shorts.

"Chishio!"

"What!" I yelled annoyed.

"Oh sorry, is now a bad time?" Tenten asked twidling her fingers. Heh, didn't know it was her...oops.

"Nah, not at all, what's up?" I asked sitting down.

"Well, Neji he was all like-"

"Yes, she is busy training," Misa said annoyed, emphasizing the word training.

"Oh, I'm sorry Misa-sensei," Tenten said sitting up.

"Aw, Misa-sensei, can't we just train more tomorrow?" I asked. She sighed rubbing her forehead, she probably has a headache.

"Yes, I need some rest anyways," She said before disappearing.

"Well, that was easy, you should show up early more often," I said with a smile to Tenten.

"As I was saying, Neji looked over at me during training today!" she squeeled.

"Oh my gosh! That's awesome!" I said jumping up and down with Tenten.

"I know! He keeps sneaking looks when he thinks I'm not looking!" she squeeled happily.

"Before you know you'll be married and have millions of little rascals barfing on your shirt!" I said still jumping up and down with her. Her facial expression changed.

"Huh?" she questioned.

"You'll be married in no time!" I said. She did a high pitched squeel.

"I'm so excited, when's he going to propose?" she asked and I inwardly sighed.

"You're sixteen Tenten, you're not even old enough to marry yet," I stated.

"Oh, yeah, right," she said. I giggled, and she's a chunin!

"Well, I have to head to granny's shop before three," I said pulling my bag over one of my shoulders.

"I'll talk to you later, Chishio," she said waving. Why do the other girls in Konoha always come to me for guy advice? Although I might seam like the guy specialist, I've never had a boyfriend. Strange huh? Yeah, I know but hey it's what is and I'm fine with it. I headed out to the herb shop. Not much has been happening in Konoha resently. Sasuke left three or so years ago. That ended up with a lot of visits from Ino and even a couple from Sakura. Sasuke was kind of cool. I mean he was cute but had a horrible personallity. I'd never be able to marry or even date someone that quiet and mean.

"Ow," I said after running into someone.

"Sorry, I wasn't really paying attention," I said looking up to see a bunch of blond a orange.

"Naruto?" I questioned.

"Chishio!" Naruto said hugging me.

"Hi Naruto, what's up?" I asked pulling him off of me.

"I haven't seen you in months. We got a new member on our team," he replied.

"Yeah it's been months. A new member?" I questioned.

"Yeah, his name is Sai," he responded. A boy with black hair came walking up to Naruto.

"Naruto?" the black haired asked.

"Sai? Oh this is him now," Naruto said pulling Sai infront of him so he was inches from me. He had a completely emotionless face. So the Sasuke replacement is as bad as thefirst.

"I've got to be going," I said turning around from them and heading to the herb shop. Naruto stood there dumbly.

"What's wrong with her?" He asked himself. After I was out of their sight I ran the rest of the way. No, I didn't hold anything against the Uchiha

...or so I keep telling myself.

* * *

**_A/N: I started this story a while ago, but never did much with it until the past few days. Please tell me what you think!_**


	2. Chapter 2

"Afternoon Granny," I said walking in breathing heavily.

"There you are," she said coming out from behind a counter.

"I got some requests from a few people," she added handing me a piece of paper with names and sicknesses on it.

"Sakura is sick?" I questioned.

"Haruno? Yes her mother came in here. Apparently she's too sick to heal herself," the lady replied.

"Well then I'll put together some medicine for her," I said going to different jars of flowers and herbs. I was a pretty lousy fighter but as long as I had plants around me I could be some what useful.

"I'll be heading out now, I'll see you soon Granny," I said before running off with the medicine I had just made. I arrived at Sakura's house pretty quickly and was greeted by her parent's.

"Mrs. Haruno, Mr. Haruno," I said bowing politely.

"Manami Konishi?" Mr. Haruno asked.

"Yes, I came with some herbs for you daughter, Sakura," I said and he nodded letting me in and showing me to her room. To my dismay Naruto and Sai were there. I was going to leave when the noticed me.

"Chishio!" Naruto called. "Why are you here?"

"I uh, brought some herbs to make Sakura get better," I replied sitting down next to Sakura's bed. I pulled out my jar and put the mashed flowers and herbs into my hand.

"May one of you get me a glass of water?" I questioned.

"I will," Naruto said going down the stairs. I bit my lower lip, standing right next to me was the Sasuke replacement.

"Do you not like me?" He questioned and I looked over at him and eye brow raised. I don't think that is something Sasuke would have said.

"Why should I hate you? I don't even know you," I answered more trying to convince myself.

"Do you mind if I give you a nickname?" he asked. I stared at him thinking huh?

"It makes people closer," he said and I stared at him funny.

"If you want to," I said shrugging. Man how long can Naruto take? The herbs in my hand will be dead by the time he gets back up here! Sai started to circle around me, his finger to his bottom lip. It made me feel really self conscious.

"I'm back!" Naruto said coming into the room.

"I've got it...hideous," Sai said.

"Huh?" Naruto asked looking between us. I now glared at Sai. What gave him a right to call me hideous?

"That's her nickname, hideous," Sai said again.

"Naruto, give me the cup please," I said through clenched teeth, which he did and I put it into the cup. Then I slowly poured it down Sakura's throat. When she swallowed it all I picked up my bag and left the room. Leaving two very confused boys behind.

"Hideous?" I heard Naruto yell even after I left the house.

"Welcome back," the elderly lady said as I came into the store.

"How was the visit?"

"It was fine," I responded as my chipper self.

"It looks like you are done with the house calls for the day, thank you very much Manami," the lady said and I smiled.

"It was my pleasure. I'll see you tomorrow!" I said running out of the store. I walked through the crowded street. I hate crowded streets. Sure I was a social person - I guess you could call me - but when I'm older I'm going to buy a small house out in the country, far away from annoying people, stupid rumors, and this thing everyone is calling love. I don't need on tiny bit of it. If cupid is real I will slit his throat with a kunai. No way in hell am I going to get hit by a love arrow, or what ever people call it.

"Miss, would you like to buy some pretty jewelry?" a sales person asked me.

"No thank you," I responded with the same fake chipper attitude. I wish I had someone to rely on, like really rely on. To tell my secrets and to live in the small cottage with.

No, just me and nature will be just fine.

Maybe have a kid or two, or even three.

Nah, kids are too annoying, they are nagging and dirty diapers. No, kids aren't for me. And anyways, wouldn't I need cupids stupid arrow to have children? I would have to be stupid enough to be with a retarded guy, maybe marry him.

It'd suck.


	3. Chapter 3

"Chishio!" someone called and I turned toward the voice. Ino was running through the crowd.

"I'm having a sleepover this friday," she said when she caught up with me. I just stared at her for a minute. Crap, another social outing thing.

"I'd love to go!" I said smiling and hugging her.

"Great! Then we can play seven minutes in heaven!" she said happily. I fricken hate that game, with an undying passion. It's stupid put a guy and girl in a closet for seven minutes. Half the guys in Konoha are gay anways.

"Awesome! You know that is my favorite game in the world!" I said and she giggled.

"Sai will be there! I'm so excited!" she said. My fake smile faded, I'm sure. Sai, the fricken jerk. The Sasuke replacement. How could Ino like him? Did she get an arrow shot to her butt? I don't see one, darn, I was going to pull it out and smack her over the head with it.

"That's awesome Ino! Then I'll get Shikamaru all to myself!" I said and she giggled.

"You still like him? You can have him!" she said. Yeah, the crush on Shikamaru. I inwardly rolled my eyes.

"Thanks Ino, I guess I'll see you there," I said.

"Yes, see you then Chishio," she said before running off, probably to the next person's house.

"Yo," someone said beside me and I turned to see a certain brown haired chunin.

"Hey Neji," I said happily. Finally, a un-gay guy who is reasonable.

"You're going to Ino's party?" he asked as we walked through through the still crowded streets.

"Yes, how about you?" I asked. He rolled his eyes.

"I hate events like those," he responded simply.

"Come'on, it's not like it'll be boring!" I replied.

"I know, with you there something is bound to go wrong," he said and I stuck out my tongue.

"No...it's all your fault," I said and he raised an eye brow in slight amusement.

"Oh? And how is that?" he questioned.

"Er, well, something always goes wrong with you there!" I said recovering.

"Yeah, yeah, what ever," he responded. I chuckled at his responce. I was going to enjoy my time while I could, because some where ...deep down in my stomach I could feel something very bad was going to happen in the near future. And I could only hope it wasn't at this party thing Ino was having.

"What's wrong?" Neji must have noticed the change in my facial expressions.

"Nothing! Really, it's nothing. Just a bad gut feeling," I replied.

"Usually 'bad gut feelings' end up being bad," he responded.

"It's nothing really, since when have I had a gut feeling that was actually indication?" I asked and he didn't answer. "The only thing my gut tells me is when I'm hungry, full, or if I forgot to eat a meal. Beans also do a toll on me." He laughed at my last sentence.

"I think they do on all people," he replied and I laughed.

"No, not quite, they never effected Sasuke," I answered. He scoffed.

"Uchiha? He probably left to the bathroom just to 'relieve' his 'gas'. He wouldn't want to hurt his ego," Neji responded and I laughed again.

"Probably!" I said through laughs. The gut feeling, darn it. It won't go away! Well, maybe I just ate something that upset my stumach. Yes, yes, that was it, a simple bad food to my stomach. Nothing was going to happen.

"I better be going," Neji said and I nodded.

"See you at the sleepover!" I said. He scoffed.

"That is if I go," he said before disappearing.

"You'll go, I know you will," I replied before heading off to my house.

"Mom? Dad? You here?" I asked as I stepped in. I walked slowly into the kitchen hearing the wood underneath me creak as I stepped on it. There was a small trail of a dark liquid. It looked...crimson. Blood?

"Mom? Dad?" I said getting desperate and running through the house. I ran toward the bathroom when I heard something crash in the bathroom. I slowly made my way to the bathroom, afraid of what I might find. I put my hand on the door nob slowly opening the door. I heard someone scream and opened it quickly.

I never would have quessed what was on the other side of that door.


	4. Chapter 4

"Mom?" I yelled as I opened the door. My mom quickly turned toward me a sheepish smile on her lips.

"What did you do?" I asked avoiding the blood on the floor and going over to her. Their was a large slice on her hand that she was trying to stop from beading.

"I cut it, the da** knife." I examined the cut before putting it back under the water. She shrieked as the water fell over her cut.

"All this blood just from being a klutz?" I mumbled to myself. I dabbed it slowly with a towel before wrapping bandages around it.

"Thank you, honey."

"No problem, mom. Where's dad?" I asked putting the bandages away.

"He went to visit your sister," she responded simply. I suddenly stopped everything I was doing and the bandages in my hand fell onto the counter. My sister.

"M-my sister?" I asked.

"Yes," my mom replied then smiles. "She's in the sand village for a visit." Then she left the bathroom. Visit? Since when did she come to visit? I sat down on the counter. What kind of "visit"?

* * *

"Welcome Chishio!" Ino greeted as I stepped in her door.

"Am I early?" I asked putting my bag down.

"Only a little. I wanted to talk to you," Ino said sitting down on the couch and patting it beside her. I slowly walked over and sat next to her.

"How can I help?" I asked.

"Well, you know how I have a crush on Sai?" I grit my teeth. The Sasuke replacement.

"Yes."

"I want your help...with something."

"And what is that?" I questioned.

"I want you to get him to like me," she stated. What the heck?

"How am I supposed to do that?" I asked almost raising my voice.

"By spending time with him. You get him to like me by saying great things about me. Okay?" I stared at her. She rolled her eyes.

"Please."

"Fine!" I complained. "I'll try my best."

"Yay!" She yelled clasping her hands together.

"We're going to be the cutest couple ever!" she sang happily.

"It's your funeral," I mumbled to myself.

"Don't you think we're perfect for each other?" she asked turning toward me, finally remembering I was there.

"Uh, yeah," I said quickly. The door bell rung.

"Guests!" she said happily going to the door. I sat glaring at the wall. What had I just gotten myself into? Spending time with him! Ugh! I sighed. I guess it could be a lot worse. But still, this was pretty bad.

"Guess who's here, Chishio!" Ino said coming into the room.

"I don't even want to know," I said under my breath. Then spoke louder,"Who?"

"Sai!" she said happily. I sunk into the chair. He did come. So here it was, the beginning of my death. This sleepover would be the end of me. I knew it.

"Sai, this is Chishio, Chishio, this is Sai," Ino said introducing us.

"We've already met," Sai said. I glared at him.

"Oh." The door bell rang and Ino hurried to it. I kept glaring at him, hoping he'd get the idea that I didn't like him.

"Staring isn't polite."

"I don't care."

"That was not polite either."

"Talk to the hand."

"Why would I do that?"

"Chishio! Naruto, Sakura, and Shika-"

"Because you're a fricken a** whole!" I yelled at him. The four of them in the door way just stood there staring at us. Sai looked around the room, carefully analyzing it.

"Staring isn't polite," he stated to them. They quickly changed their glances and started talking to each other.

"The death of me," I mumbled to myself.

* * *

"What are you making?"

"Toast."

"That's not toast."

"Fine, I admit it, it's bread!"

"That's not bread."

"That's what you think," I mumbled to Sai. He wouldn't leave me alone! Yikes, what does a girl have to do to get some peace and quiet around here?

"I _know_ that's not bread," he said emphasizing the 'know'. I dropped the spoon and looked up at him.

"There's a genjutsu over it making it so it doesn't look like bread," I said glaring at him. He remained quiet for a second and I went back to stiring the mix. I started to hum as I stirred it until I felt a hand on my arm.

"What is this?" he asked moving my arm to show me a scar on it. I stared at the scar before looking back up at him and pulling my arm out of his grasp.

"None of your business." I grabbed the bowl and stirred resentlessly.

"Who did it to you?" he asked, his emotionless face staring at it carefully.

"I think you should f...!"

"Chishio!" Ino said coming into the room and whispering in my ear. "did you tell him?" I inwardly rolled my eyes. Then I nodded. She smiled and skipped out of the room.

"Okay look," I said turning to him quickly. "I'm sorry for what I said, blah, blah, blah. Want to start over?" I had to grit my teeth to get the words to come out. He stared at me for a while; he looked like he was calculating in his head.

"Sure," he suddenly said and it caught me off of my guard. Then I looked up at him. He put his hand out toward me. "I'm Sai, what's your name?"

"You can call me Chishio," I said shaking his hand. His hands feel cold. I pulled my hand back before stiring again.

"What is your real name?" he questioned.

"Chishio."

"No, it's not."

"Prove it."

"You're real name is Manami Konishi," he said looking into the bowl. I stopped stiring and just let my arm hang there. How did he know that?

"How the hell-!"

"I looked up your file when I was in the Root," he said his expression not changing. Yeah, sure. What the heck was root?

"So do those cheesy books even have little pictures?" I said pouring the mix onto the burner.

"No," he replied. "They have a genjutsu on it that comes out of the page and acts just like the person, telling information about them."

"Well, that's nice," I muttered finishing the pouring and putting the bowl at the end of the counter.

"What are those?" he asked pointing to the bowl of brown colored, mini hershey kiss looking things.

"You can't be serious, you don't know what chocolate chips are?" I said surprised.

"They do look a lot like deer-" I cut him off.

"You know what, don't finish that sentence," I said pulling a couple out and putting them up to his face. "Eat them."

"They could be poisoned." I sighed at his stubbornness.

"Okay look," I said taking them and putting them in my mouth and swallowing. "See? Delicious." I took a handful and held them up to him again. He stared at them for a long moment. Then he slowly brought his hand to mine. He plucked one up carefully before putting it in between the part in his lips. I blinked a few times turning to look at the pancake mix.

"How does it taste?" I questioned, still not looking at him.

"I don't know what adjective to use for it."

"Okay then," I mumbled looking at him again. "Do you want more?"

"Yes."

"Is it better tasting than ramen?"

"Much."

"Do you want some in your pancakes?"

"I want them in any food."

"Then you should use the adjective, delicious," I told him before dropping a large handful into his hand.

"What's this for?" he questioned.

"For you to put in your pancake."

"Which one is mine?" he asked. I sighed.

"Just pick one," I said through gritted teeth.

"How do I put them in?" I sighed again, exaggerating.

"Watch." I picked some up out of the bowl and sprinkled them on top of the gewy pancakes. Then I added more until I had as many chocolate chips as I wanted.

"Can I have that one?" he asked as he pointed to the largest one.

"Sure, I don't care," I replied to him. I watched him carefully as he poured them over his pancake. He was so precise as he dropped them. Each one of them was properly spaced from the other. You could probably measure them in milimeters and they'd all be exactly the same. I looked at my own, the chocolate chips were randomly splattered across the pancake.

"Do you think chocolate chips are delicious?" he questioned me.

"Yes," I responded honestly. Then he picked some more up from the bowl in my hand and spread them on my pancake.

"Your pancake looked bare," he told me.

"Your's does too," I responded coldly. Then I looked at his. Okay, scratch what I said earlier about the chips being milimeters apart exactly. There was no apart now. There was no empty section of pancake any where. It looked like a dark brown pancake.

"Wow," I muttered to myself. Then he poured more on mine. Before I knew it mine looked exactly like his. "Death by chocolate."

"Morning!" Ino yelled while entering the room. When she came in I could've sworn Sai, I mean the Sasuke replacement, was glaring at her. Nah, it was just his normal expressionless face. "Ooh, chocolate chip pancakes!" she squealed.

"Delicious chocolate chip pancakes," he corrected her. She stared at him oddly for a minute before latching onto his arm.

"I love chocolate chips too!" she squeeled happily. "What about you?" she said looked over at me. I quickly took a step back and gained my normal expression.

"On, no, not at all," I said quickly. "I guess it's just another thing the two of you have in common." I escaped the room and went to the living room. There were sleeping bodys all over the floor. I lay down on an empty spot of the couch.

"Which one's your's Sai-kun?" I heared Ino ask loudly. When was she not loud?

"That one," he said, much quieter than her. I had to strain my ears to hear him.

"Can I have that one?" she asked him. I plugged my ears. Going from straining to hear to hearing a loud girly voice was ear drumb throbbing.

"No," he said, his voice showing no emotion.

"Aw, why not? It has so many yummy chocolate chips," she questioned, putting a fake pout in her voice.

"Because it's Chishio's." Ino remained quiet for a few moments.

"But she doesn't like chocolate chips like we do. She won't want to eat it," she protested. I sighed, feeling myself welcome no longer. I grabbed my bag of stuff and pulled on my shoes before exciting Ino's house. I sighed contently when I stood outside the door. The door shut behind me. I inhaled another breath of air. Sweet clean air.

It was good to be out of that crowded house.


	5. Chapter 5

I was headed to the park when I rammed into someone. "Sorry," I said before looking up and noticing who it was. "Never mind." I turned to walk away from Sai but he put his hand onto my shoulder to stop me. I stared at it oddly, and then looked up to his face with a glare on my own.

"What do you want?" I said as coldly as I could.

"Why did you lie?" he asked. I was taken aback for a moment.

"What are you talking about?" I said coldly—again. Before I knew it Sai was leading me away from the busy market place—no, not leading, pushing; forcing me. Could I call for help and blame him for sexual assault?

"You said you liked chocolate chips, and then you told Ino that you didn't." I dug my heels into the ground, making it so he couldn't keep pushing me.

"I was being nice, you idiot," I said to him emotionlessly, while staring blankly at the road in front of me.

"How is not telling someone the truth being nice?" he questioned; his voice sincere. I didn't roll my eyes, I didn't blink, and I didn't do anything really. I stood there staring off into no where.

"I was saving her feelings," I said just as emotionlessly as before.

"Wouldn't she rather the truth?" he questioned; his voice puzzled.

"I've been doing this for years," I told him. "People would rather believe something untrue than to know the painful truth."

"How is the truth painful to Ino?"

"Because she…" likes you. I'm glad I came to my senses before finishing the sentence. I turned toward him abruptly; annoyance shown on my face.

"Go ask her," I said coldly before pushing his hand off my shoulder and walking away. Sai just stayed there staring off into the distance, probably thinking. Why did I get so soft back there? I rolled my eyes at myself before heading to my home. I needed a decent amount of rest.

"I'm home!" I said as I entered my home. Where is everyone? I took of my shoes. The lights were on but no one was in the living room or the kitchen. I walked down the hall and opened the door out to the garden. I abruptly dropped my bag. Standing outside were my mother, father, and sister. They were all laughing at something someone had said; large smiles on all of their faces.

My mouth hung open wide as a glare crept onto my face. My sister looked happy. My sister…it was so weird saying that. Suddenly, my sister turned her head to look at me. She must have sensed me. Her smiled was no longer on her face. She glared at me behind my parents' backs. Then she turned back around and her smile was back as she laughed at something my father said.

Leaving my bag in the doorway I sprinted away. I ran as fast as my feet would take me. I ran as fast as I could, not caring about glass and rocks digging into the bottom of my bare feet. I wasn't sure where I was going and honestly, I had never even been there before.

My feet stopped in front of a small apartment. Who's apartment? I didn't know. Why I knocked on the door? I didn't know. You know what I else I didn't know and hadn't noticed? It was pouring outside. The door opened to reveal a confused Sai. As soon as I saw him I wanted to rip his head off before stabbing it a million times with needles.

You might wonder why I didn't attack the dark haired boy in front of me. You might also wonder why I broke down right there and cried as I latched onto him for comfort. I don't know why I did. I did, but it wasn't like I was going to admit anything to anyone…not even myself.

* * *

"Are you alright Chishio-chan?" Sai asked. It was one thing for me to be latched onto the Sasuke replacement and crying. It's another to admit why I'm crying.

"No," I responded through the tears. His rough leather jacket quieted my already quiet voice. Since I did not want to admit to myself why I was crying, I opted for the easier thing to think about—why I was latched onto Sai. I pushed my face deeper into the leather and held onto his back harder. I was latched onto him for comfort. I needed someone to just grab onto and cry on. It turned out that he was the closest someone at that moment.

Sai did the thing that I would have expected him to if I were in my right mind. He stood motionless, with his hands at his sides. It was not the ordinary embrace. Nor could it actually have been considered an embrace from him. In all honesty, it was like hugging a statue.

I was like a dam; once it broke, the water kept coming until it was all gone. There I was, crying on the chest of someone I hated so entirely—so fully. I was being a hypocrite, I noticed as I cried. I promise myself that I'll hate him, then come to his house crying…looking for comfort, even!

I couldn't make myself let go of him, though. My hands felt as if they were one with the back of his jacket—which they happened to be clutching onto quite strongly. Perhaps I was going crazy. Perhaps I had finally lost my mind. That was a lot easier to explain than my sudden change of heart.

Why couldn't Sasuke have just died back when the rest of his clan did? Why didn't the murderer kill them all? Darn it! Why? My loud sobs caught my attention and my eyes closed. I'm being a baby, I told myself. You're sixteen years old, Chishio! Act like it for once!

I just wish it didn't have to end this way, I said as I sniffled. Everything would be so much easier if they had just stayed. Couldn't Sasuke stay? He didn't have to leave. My life would be so complete if he were still here.

Complete? I was lying to myself again. I needed to stop doing that. Him staying would not make my life complete. It would have changed nothing. One person cannot change someone else's life so entirely.

After some time of bawling my eyes out, I pulled away from Sai and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I sniffled and tried to fix my disarray of hair. I need to fix this mistake, I thought as I gazed up at Sai.

"So," I said as I shifted backward. "This never happened." Sai's penetrating gaze fell on me and I shifted uneasily onto my other leg. The room became quiet and I grew more and more uncomfortable.

"How did you get in here, Chishio-kun?" he asked with a flash of understanding in his usually emotionless eyes. The expression in his eyes made what was left of my composure falter. He showed emotion, I thought as my heart skidded. It was so odd and so out of place that it surprised me that I almost liked seeing it. Almost, of course, being the key word in the sentence. Even though I hated him—or so I told myself repeatedly—a smile threatened to tug at my lips as I turned around and scoffed.

"Try locking your door, idiot." I slammed the door shut behind me. Sure, Sai was practically a reincarnation of the devil himself. I chuckled to myself as I pulled my hand through my hair. But he had gorgeous eyes. I skidded to a halt and looked scanned the area around me. Was my brain being manipulated by an unknown source? I rubbed my temples and stood up straight. It was a long day. The devil is no prince charming.

* * *

Now, from what you've seen of my life so far you must think that being a ninja is a walk in a park. Life is full of gossip, sleepovers, giggles, and of course boys. Sure, I have a few family problems—ahem—my sister—ahem—but life is bright and cheery and I'm just a bitc…well, you know what I'm going to say. Anyways, I'm just a big downer with no reason to be such a grump.

Really, it makes me seem like I'm in the Sasuke category.

Heck to the no!

But I'm not as big of a grump as you may think. I'm relatively happy, in my fake life. I smile, giggle, and laugh with my friends. Sometimes it's even _real_. Sometimes I feel like I really belong in this world. I spend time with my parents, both of whom I love and adore. Up until recently I haven't even thought of my older sister. But it's normal for siblings to fight, right?

I train with my sensei. I go on missions. I eat ramen with Naruto. Really, my life couldn't be much better. I'm not the best ninja in the world but hey, I never had much motivation. So don't judge me based on the few moments of my life you've seen. I hate it when people do that!

I'm just…I'm just lonely, 'is all.

"Hey, Chishio!"

—and I don't mean lonely because I never have friends around me.

"Chishio…are you listening to me?"

—or family. I have my mom and dad.

"Hello? Earth to Chishio!"

—I just feel like I'm walking through the motions.

"Holy crap! Is something wrong with her?

—like I'm watching someone else's life.

"Should we get Neji? He'll know what to do."

That probably doesn't even make any sense.

"Manami!"

"…yes?" I blinked up at the two girls from under my lashes. How long had they been standing there, I wondered. I pushed myself up from my sitting position against the tree and smiled at them. "Hey guys, what's up?"

Ino frowned, "We've been trying to get your attention for like an hour."

"Yeah, we thought somebody used some kind of mind jutsu on you," Tenten added.

I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "Er, what'd you want me for?" Ino's face lit up and she flailed her arms around. She kind of reminded me of a bird at that second.

"I'm going on a mission with Sai!" She screamed. I winced at the loud, grating sound.

"Aw, that's great, Ino!" My smile matched hers perfectly.

"Guess who's the third person!"

"Er…Tenten?" I looked over at said person who had been uncharacteristically quiet. Something must have happened between her and Neji.

"No, silly—you!" I blinked a few times.

Aw, heck no! My brain screamed. I bit my tongue, counting to ten, and controlling myself.

"That's perfect for you, Ino," I smiled like a best friend should. I felt bad when she smiled so happily back at me. She truly thought I was her best friend. She truly thought she knew everything about me. I felt terrible for lying to her—I really did. But I had been lying to her since the day I met her….

_I stared from my spot on top of the monkey bars toward where a dark haired boy sat by himself. Other children played and ran around me but I kept on staring. I felt weird sitting here around all of my friends and classmates as he sat over there all by himself. I mean, it's not like people didn't want to talk to him. He just brushed them off. Why did he want to be lonely?_

_"Hey!" I glanced over at the loud, blond girl standing across from me on the slide, not really paying attention. "You're not staring at my Sasuke over there, are you?" I looked the girl up and down, deciding if I was going to take the time from my thoughts to talk to her. Deciding that it would spare a lot of annoyance to just lie, I did._

_"No, I was looking at the boy in the tree," I said, pointing toward the pineapple-headed boy just incase her blond mind couldn't find him herself. Funny I was so prejudice against blonds when I myself was a blond._

_"Oh, Shikamaru?" She giggled before crawling next to me. I honestly thought she was going to fall down. Now that would be really irritating. "He's pretty good looking too."_

_"Yep," I said, taking my eyes off of her and back toward the Uchiha boy. Why did I watch him so much? I didn't know but I wondered if it was getting to a stalker level._

_"My name's Ino," the blond said from my side. I looked over at her and saw she had a hand held out for me to take. I glanced down at the hand, then back at her, and begrudgingly took it._

_"Manami."_

_"Manami Konishi?" she quickly asked. I inwardly sighed._

_"Yep, that's me."_

_"Your sister is Lidia Konishi?" She gasped. I nearly growled._

_"Yep! I'm pretty proud." My hands balled into fists at my sides and my teeth grinded together, but I looked pretty outwardly calm. Inside I was streaming words that a nine year old shouldn't know._

_We sat in what I felt was a comfortable silence. Obviously, she had other plans._

_"Let's be best friends!" Ino stated proudly, like she just had the best idea in the entire universe. I just gawked at her for a good few minutes. She couldn't be serious, could she? I mean, I met her like ten seconds ago._

_I removed my eyes for just a second to look at the dark figure who was pushing away from a pink-haired girl who always seemed to be obsessed with him. No way in heck was I going to become like that! At least not in front of people. Wow, I was a creep._

_"I'd love that," I smiled to the blond girl—Ino, I think. She smiled broadly, so broadly that I wondered if it were even a real smile. But then I mentally shrugged. I didn't really care anyways..._

"Hello? Are you sure there isn't something wrong in there?" Ino had her hands on her hips, her foot pounding impatiently on the ground. I had managed to get locked up in my mind again.

"No," I said and winked at her, "but you love it." Ino giggled.

"Well duh, you're my best friend!"

Uh…yeah.


	6. Chapter 6

Sometimes life is like an onion. I know, I know, bad simile. But really, it kind of is like one. You peel through layer upon layer, slowly learning more and more. You learn more about yourself, your friends, and just life. And finally, when you're at the end you understand everything. But when you're at the end, you're gone—for good.

I had always been a curious person—always. If I didn't understand something then it wouldn't be long before I did understand it. But as I learned just how a mission with Sai and Ino could be, I felt like I was dying.

One more giggle, pout face, fluttering of the eyelashes, or sudden "tripping" and I was going to kill someone.

I mean, just how much of this is one person supposed to be able to take?

Talking about killing someone…"Sai-kun, it's so cold! Can I borrow your jacket?" I glanced over at my two current mission mates. As if that jacket would warm her up, there's nothing to it! She just wants to see him with his shirt off.

"Is something wrong with your eyes?" Sai questioned her.

"What? Why?"

"You blink really quickly every once in a while." I stifled a laugh. She's trying to flirt with you, dummy!

Ino just stood there with her mouth agape so I decided to cover for her. "You just changed the subject." He looked over at me as we stopped running because of Ino's…whatever she was doing with her jaw dropping to the ground.

'I…think we should stop at the next village to get warmer clothing," Sai responded after some long, awkward moments. I stood smugly in my warm jacket, snuggling into the fur inside. I had dressed appropriately, unlike my two blond teammates. Sai wasn't blond, but sometimes I wondered if he dyed it black. Only a blond could be that—I'm blond.

Psh—stupid genes.

"You're cold too, Sai-kun?" She stopped herself from fluttering her eyes lashes again. Instead she brushed up closer to the poor victim of her attention. "We'll be warmer if we mix body heat."

Ew! That just sounded so wrong! I looked away from the two of them, wishing that I wasn't currently on this mission with them. I would rather be hunting down kittens or cleaning rivers than doing this! Ino didn't take it seriously and Sai took it too seriously.

Hey, opposites attract, right? Maybe they'd cross each other out or something.

Then, I sighed contently. I could finally be at peace.

Life had a different thing in mind, though. Because just as we were about to begin running across tree branches, several ninja appeared around us. I searched each man's face looking, hoping, _praying_ I would see a certain dark haired, dark eyed guy. But I didn't and I felt stupid for my petty emotions. My hand went down to my kunai pouch.

The men surrounding us obviously outranked us. Fear made my brain run and my muscles stiffen. There was no way to beet them. Here we were, three mere chunin and the six men surrounding us were definitely jounin. At least jounin, my brain added.

My brain swam with information.

Two kunai—three o'clock.

Senbon needled—one o'clock.

Katana—nine o'clock.

Bare hands—seven o'clock.

There was the best target. He had neither weapon nor weapon pouch on his person. I looked down at the bulk muscles that were known as his arms. He didn't need a weapon, I noticed. He could probably kill a wild bear with his bare hands. A shiver went down my spine.

I needed to do something, anything.

But I couldn't. It was physically impossible for me to move.

My eyes searched every crook and cranny for some foreign jutsu that may have hindered my ability to move. But there were no signs of anything. My eyes darted over to a kunai that was heading right toward Ino. I noticed that she too was frozen.

I needed…I needed to do something!

The kunai was getting closer and closer to its target and Ino's eyes widened. I'm pretty sure she saw her life flash before her eyes in that second. But I just stood there like the weakling I was, frozen in an ice cold bath of fear. I didn't find some hero locked deep inside of me. I didn't gain some incredible kekki genki that I didn't know about. I just stood there as the closest person to being a friend to me was about to die.

What did I say about onions? What did I say about life?

I…it…when…it suddenly felt so long ago that I was complaining about her attempt at flirting. I didn't know how I was going to survive without her. Sure, she wasn't my best friend, but she was the person that was closest to me. She was always there for me, even though I never relied on her. She always listened to what I had to say, even though I never told the truth to her. She always tried to do what she thought was best for me, even if I never wanted her help.

Sure, I knew that the only reason she wanted to be best friends with me all those years ago was because of my sister. She was searching for popularity and boy, was my sister popular! But things changed throughout the years and well, I don't know, she became the sister I always wished I had.

That's why I thought I was going to die the second I heard kunai embed itself into flesh. I buckled my eyes shut. I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of her bloody form. Not with knowing that I should have been able to stop it.

That's when I heard a definitely Ino-like gasp and my eyelids burst open. She stood there as shock spread across her face, a little blood on her always perfectly pressed shirt. If she wasn't shocked for her life at the moment, she would have whined like mad about it.

My eyes darted to the person in front of Ino. His black hair still swayed back and forth from his quick entrance. I hadn't even seen him. Electric shocks went through my bones. He was the last person I had expected to save Ino—especially by harming himself. It was uncharacteristic of him…and it made me feel a very unfamiliar emotion: jealousy.

_Why…?_

* * *

_Why was it Sai who moved so effortlessly in to save her? _I found my muscles that second. I sent my kunai toward the weaponless man and like that we just..._fought. _I lost track of everything but the person in front of me.

Weapons clashed.

Kunai met skin.

Blood poured.

Over—

And over—

I lost count.

Sai grabbed my wrist to stop me from wasting anymore weapons. "They're dead," he told me and I could just stare, finally aware of my surroundings. I had never killed someone before. I've inflicted harm and rendered them motionless, but I've never taken another person's life. It made my brain numb.

And that's why it makes so much sense that I don't remember any of the rest of the mission.

The next thing I knew I was in my bed at home, gasping for air after a particularly clear and graphic nightmare. The room was dark, the moon covered in clouds that night. Only when she spoke did I notice my sister sitting beside my bed.

"How's it feel to be a killer, sis?" she asked me with a cruel smirk on her face. I grit my teeth together.

"I am not a killer!"

"Really? Because I heard all about how awesome you were having not only your first kill but your first _kills._"

"I…it's not like that," I whispered.

"Really? Do tell me some juicy part I'm missing then."

"It was either them or me." Her smirk grew into a devilish grin.

"It's a dog eat dog world, sissy," she said before popping up out of her seat and heading for the doorway. She paused right before the door and turned to me. "Keep it up—you're already following in my footsteps."

With that, she was gone.

And I was livid.

I jumped out of the bed and roughly put on a clean pair of clothes, shoving my drawer shut for good measure. I didn't bother with my weapon pouch or the rest of my ninja gear. I just wanted to work out some of my pent up rage.

I arrived at the training ground shortly after, grateful that I had chosen a training ground with a vast amount of wooden poles. I took a deep breath and imagined the poles had faces—my sister's and Sasuke's—and punched.

"This is for abandoning me!"

Punch.

"This is for leaving with _him_!"

Punch.

"This is for breaking mum and dad's hearts!"

Punch.

I couldn't feel my knuckles get bloody or the splinters embedding themselves, all I could feel was this sharp knife in my windpipe and a tight squeeze on my heart.

"Did you enjoy it when you killed all those people?"

"How about when you betrayed the village?" Tears were streaming down my face now and I wasn't even punching the dummy pole. I had my hands on the pole and it looked like I was holding it in an embrace.

"I hate you…I hate you so much it just hurts," I sobbed. I wiped my eyes with my hand, successfully smearing blood across my forehead. "It hurts to have loved you so much and then you just left me there for dead."

I looked up at the sky to see the sun starting to rise. Oranges and pinks spread across the horizon and birds started chirping in the distance. I lifted myself off of the dummy and ran.

I wasn't surprised I had run where I had. I got some weird kind of comfort from that apartment—even if I refused to believe it was because _he_ was there. He opened the door after a few minutes of me knocking so loudly on the door that even Naruto would have woken up. He was in sleeping attire but I didn't really care.

I didn't bother with a greeting or anything—this is Sai we're talking about—and latched onto him like I had last time. He stood as still as a pole. "You're supposed to put your arms around me, idiot." Slowly and hesitatingly, he did so. I wasn't sure if he was hesitant because of my seemingly bipolar attitude or because he had never hugged someone before.

"Like this?" he whispered after he had put his hands on my back. I shook my head into his shoulder.

"You're supposed to hold the other person like she is the only other person in the world…like you're trying to protect her from the rest of the world that's trying to kill her…like this is the last time you will ever see her and it has to sum up everything you've ever felt for her."

His hands slowly went down from my upper back to my lower back and back up to rest in the crook. The movement sent shivers up my spine and made the hairs on my neck stand straight up. He laid his head on my own and smelled my hair. He locked his hands together and squeezed me so close to him that I doubted there was air between our two bodies.

"Better?" he whispered huskily into my ear. I knew he hadn't meant to sound like that—he had no idea what he was doing. But he had just sounded so seductive…so…so _sexy._ My mind ran in its place. My body felt warm and tingly. It was like something exploded inside of me. My heart felt weightless, like it could jump out of my chest and run away. Even my hands that were wrapped around Sai's abdomen were sweaty.

"Yes," I gulped. We stayed there like that for a while. I never intended to leave that position—it just felt so perfect. It made me forget about everything else in my life—in the entire world!—and want to squeeze all of my problems into this one embrace. It was Sai who ended the hug and it was only because he had noticed my bleeding knuckles.

He pulled away but did not completely remove his warm touch. He held onto my hand as he led me further into his apartment. A mutual silence fell between us. We both read each other's movement well enough that words weren't needed. At one point he lifted me up and set me on the counter before leaving the room.

My body protested against the loss of his warmth. Seconds later, though, he was back with white bandages and gauze. He set them beside me and ran my hands under the cold water of the sink. I whimpered at the pain but he shushed me with just a breath of air.

When he was done running them under the water, he placed a towel on them and disappeared again. I almost groaned but found the self restraint to hold it in. He came back with a bottle and a pair of tweezers. His fingers were so gentle while he plucked slivers of wood out of my hands. He held my hands like they were made of glass. It made my heart beat fast in its place under my ribs.

When he was finished with the slivers, he dabbed the towel with the antiseptic and dabbed it on my knuckles. I hissed at first, but grew quiet again. He wrapped my hands in the gauze and slowly wrapped my knuckles securely with the medical tape.

"Don't stop," I complained as his hands left mine. He looked up at me on the counter and I swear I saw something in those deep grey eyes. I couldn't tell what emotion it was but I knew it was there and I felt something bubble in my chest.

"Why?" he said with honest curiosity. I blushed in my place—blushed, for Pete's sake!—and put my hand in his. He glanced down at our intertwined fingers.

"Because I like the feel of this. It makes me feel…safe." He stood still for a moment as if he were calculating something that could either save or destroy the entire world, and then he looked up at me again. He grasped my other hand in his own and intertwined our fingers.

"I like your…warmth," he stated, still hesitant. I smiled a goofy grin at him and swung our arms to some unknown rhythm.

"I like your presence." He smiled his smile at me and I felt like I had turned to pudding. It was nothing different than his usual smile he gave everyone even at the creepiest possible times. His eyes closed tightly, the sides of his mouth quirked up, and his cheeks were tinted a light pink. No, it wasn't any different, but it was the fact that it was directed at me and only me that made me melt like a popsicle on a hot summer day.


	7. Chapter 7

It wasn't until someone rapped on the door, that reality hit like a bucket of ice water. I was in Sai's apartment. His hand was wrapped tightly in my hand—or my hand was in his hand, I couldn't tell. But it was the fact that I was touching him. That I still wanted to touch him, which brought me back to my normal self and out of my dream-like daze.

I gasped, the shock hitting me so hard. "_This_," I said, pointing to us and our hands. "This never happened. We…this isn't right. I shouldn't be here and…and you shouldn't have let me in." Sai was his expressionless self. Why did he have to be so different? When I told him something, it felt more like I was reassuring myself. It was selfish of me to use him like this and then throw him away. But it was _wrong._

"I'm…not here. Go answer the door, act like nothing happened. When the person leaves, I'll be gone." Sai stared at me a long moment. I wondered if he could hear the double meaning in my words. This strange side of me was peaking out and after I got the chance to compose myself, it would be locked deep, down inside of me. No one would be able to retrieve it.

Sai broke my gaze and went to the door. I slipped into a back room. I could hear another voice talking to him, complaining that he had taken so long to answer. I glanced around the room and noticed that I had entered his bedroom. Plain—everything was white like a hospital. It looked like an unused house, like it wasn't _lived _in.

There were no personal belongings, no colors, and nothing that could say who this room belonged to. I made my way to the one large window, easily unlocking it and lifting the glass frame. The room was unadorned. It was expressionless. Just like Sai, I realized.

I pushed myself out the window, standing carefully on the thin ledge outside of it. He was in an apartment building, on at least the third floor. I wasn't stupid, there's no way I would survive if I jumped from this distance. No amount of ninja training or chakra could stop my legs from shattering at the impact.

I shuttered and applied chakra to my hands as best as I could. I was never one of the top students, so it didn't surprised me when sweat formed on my brow. "This is it," I whispered before dropping myself and grabbing onto the window pane that I had just been standing on.

"Come on, Manami. You got this." I took a deep breath, dropping again. This time I landed on the toes of my feet, my arms wailing crazily behind me to gain my balance. I pushed my palms to the wall. The chakra helped me gain my balance and I only paused for a breath before dropping again, my arms latching on. Another breath and another drop—I was on the first floor.

It was much easier getting my balance the second jump down and I jumped to the ground, it being close enough that I wouldn't get any permanent damage to anything. I then proceeded to sprint to my house. The rush of adrenaline made me feel good—really good. I felt like I got to my house too soon. I stretched my muscles, feeling like they had never appeared so toned and developed.

I entered the house happier than I had ever before. I kicked my shoes off inside the door and made my way through the house. My mom was in the kitchen with my sister at the table. My mood dropped, crashing farther down than the ground beneath me feet. "Six feet under," I mumbled as I ignored my sister totally, opting instead to search through the refrigerator. _How long has it been since I've eaten?_

I grabbed the carton of milk, opening it and pushing it to my lips. The cold liquid was thick and felt wonderful against my throat. I closed it and put it back; surprised my mom hadn't reprimanded me for it. I looked over at her and saw her smiling. She was talking animatedly with my sister at the table. "Why is she even here?" I muttered under my breath. I then pushed my shoulder up in a show of grumpiness and slammed the door shut for extra effect.

It was then that my mother finally noticed my presence. "Manami! How was your day? Where were you?" A gasp, "What happened to your hands? Why are they wrapped up?" I pulled my long sleeves over my hands, hiding them from her sight.

"Nothing, just training," I muttered before stalking out of the room. I noticed that by ignoring my sister's presence I was also ignoring my mother, but it was far better than the alternative. At least, that's what I told myself.

As I was on my way to my room, still feeling sorry for myself, my father stopped me. "What happened to your knuckles?" he asked tenderly, his hands on mine as he rubbed his thumb on the wounds. I yearned so much for the attention he was suddenly providing me with. He really wanted to know. He really cared. But a picture of my sister sitting at the kitchen table shot up in my mind, and I pushed past him.

"Training," I responded coolly, continuing my trek to my room. He didn't try any further communication and instead made his way down the hall. _To the kitchen_, I thought sourly.

I shut my door and plopped myself down on my bed. I was tired. My sleep had been disturbed last night and my body was missing the energy I usually had. I laid my hand over my eyes, shielding them from the bright light they weren't accustomed to sleeping in.

I wanted sleep. I needed sleep. My thoughts were too busy running around in my head, though. Why had Sai let me in both times? He was a trained ninja who definitely was not close to me, so why hadn't he refused to let me in? Why had he treated my self inflicted wounds and smiled that huge smile? The one that made hurt and ache, happy and sad, and most of all, made me forget myself.

It made me forget everything. I forgot all of my self given boundaries, all of my caution. I couldn't remember why I hated him. I couldn't imagine why I hadn't wanted to touch him—to feel the fire run over my skin. It made me feel scared—vulnerable. And that was something that I just couldn't accept. I was never the strongest; never the smartest, never the best, but I was always in control. I decided what they knew and what they didn't know and information is _everything_.

That is why I refused to let this strange feeling show.

* * *

I awoke that morning and prepared myself for the day. Everything was going to be okay because I was in control. No one could hurt me without my approval. I walked through the kitchen without shooting my sister or mother a second glance. I wasn't going to let myself stay focused on the past. I wasn't going to mope around in my own missery like I once did. No, I wasn't going to let my mind wander back to when my sister and I were best friends, when we only had each other.

"Manami," my mother said as she reached for my arm. I quickly jerked it away.

"Don't touch me with the same hands that have comforted traitors," I hissed, my eyes catching those of my sister. Hers were hard and cold, distant in the sense that she acted like she didn't understand what my words meant.

"How can you-!"

"No, mom. It's alright," Lidia said as she stood up from the table to stand in front of me. Our height was almost equal, my head only inches above my sisters. It was funny how I was the taller one, yet she was the more capable one. My sister was strong and proportional, while I was tall and nearly clumsy.

My eyes glared at my sister while hers were consumed with hate and loathing. "Do you hate me, Chishio?"

"Don't call me that."

"Do you hate that you'll never compare to me?" She went on as if I hadn't interupted. She caught my eyes narrowing. "Or do you hate that you're so similiar to me? You hate how we have the same color hair and eyes, and you hate how the same blood runs through our veins. You hate being associated with a traitor. Well, isn't that what you wanted, sis? To be like me?" Her words were bitter. I felt my arms shaking at my sides. My teeth were grinding toghether, my face contorted in a mixture of rage and apathy.

"I'm nothing like you." Lidia laughed mockingly.

"You must hate that he chose me. Tell me, would you have followed him if he chose you?"

"Of course not!"

"That's why he chose me. That's what seperates us. You'll never be on my level because you're insecure. You hate yourself. You're weak and you don't trust others. Hell, there's not a soul on this planet that you would trust with your life!"

_That's because I trusted you once_, I stopped myself from saying. _I trusted you with everything, and you cast me away like something that had lost its usefullness._

"You're going to die alone, _Chishio_. Mom and dad won't even be there for you."

"Lidia!" My mother chastised.

"Shut up, mother!" At the sound of my sister's voice, my mom ran from the room. I watched her leave, wondering if she really would leave me in the end. Lidia fisted my shirt in her hands, pulling me closer to her by my collar.

"You want to know why they left, Chishio?" She whispered into my ear. My body went stiff in her hold. A blond haired couple with bright red eyes flashed through my vision. A man holding a woman in a tender embrace stared at me, their eyes warm and inviting. My parents. My _real_ parents. "They left because of **you**."

I dropped to the floor when she released me. My breaths came in and out like a rushing tidle wave. I covered my face from the world, from the shame. The tears fell down my face without my consent. I could hide my pain from the world, but I couldn't stop the ache in my chest. But what else was there for me to do? I'd go on with my life, acting like nothing happened. Sometimes when I was happy, maybe I'd be able to actually feel happy. But I'd never show the world how I really felt. I'd never let anyone see under my mask of fake happiness. I'd never let anyone get to know the real me, because then...then they'd have the power to break me.

* * *

I pealed myself off the floor hours later. My parents had never come in to help me, never come in to comfort me. I dried my eyes and picked my heart up off of the floor. Walking down the hallway, I stopped when I caught my reflection in a mirror. I paused, fixing my hair and pinching some color into my cheeks. My emotional mask went on right in front of my face. The reflection went from a scared, broken little girl to that of a confident, happy adult.

I walked the rest of the way to my room with courage I didn't posess. I threw open the bag I kept for long distance missions, thrusting various articles of clothing into it. I grabbed only the necessities. Soap, clothes, shoes, and my weapons. When I was done, I noticed that the room looked the same as it did before-plain. Empty like it wasn't lived in. Empty and void of any trace of emotion. I pulled the bag onto my back, the only sign that I had ever lived and grown in that room was my smell that still lingered on the bed sheets. But that too wasn't personal, because it was merely the scent of my chosen shampoo. An artifical scent, for an artificial life.

I left the house, letting myself have one last glance before leaving it forever. I walked down the streets of Konoha with a forced scense of calm. I walked with purpose, a small smile on my face. A smile that conflicted with the numbness I felt inside.

I passed a worried Shikamaru on the street. He immediately pulled me aside and demanded to know what was wrong. "Nothing," I told him. I was simply on my way to Ino's, to my best friend's house, for a sleepover. He believed me, and that hurt. It hurt that he couldn't tell that I was faking it. It hurt that he couldn't tell that I was breaking on the inside. That I was crying and stomping my feet, pounding on the nearest wall, begging for him to notice the pain under the smile.

"I'll take you there," he offered, grabbing my hand and leading me to the blond's house. It hurt that all I wanted was for him to squeeze my hand in his, to give me the comfort, the knowledge that he was there for me.

"Thanks, Shikamaru!"

It hurt that as he kissed me good-bye, I pictured someone just a bit taller, just a bit paler, and just a bit more emotionless.

"Bye," he said with a hand lazily placed on his hips, the other scratching the back of his head.

It hurt that even though he was perfect, I'd never be able to trust him with my heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Ino was glad for the company. It was just her and her dad at the house, which usually meant only her. Her father spent much of his time on missions to different countries because of the family technique. I placed my bag in their guest bedroom and went down the stairs to the living room, where Ino sat in deep thought.

I sat on the opposite side of the couch and watched the various emotions on her face as they came and went. She wanted to do something, but she was afraid of what it would mean. She snuck a glance at me and I raised my eyebrow. She quickly diverted her eyes, scrunching her eyebrows. That couldn't be good.

"Chishio…" She finally spoke.

"Yes?"

"I invited some people over before I knew you were going to be staying here while your parents are away. I hope you don't mind."

"Oh, it's fine. It's my fault for not telling you sooner." Her form instantly relaxed, which I took as another bad sign.

"Good. Well, I better go get ready!" With that she bounced up off of the couch and climbed the stairs in twos. Just who was coming over?

Thirty minutes later, I found out. The door bell rang and Ino ran to get it. I stayed in my position on the couch as she ushered two different voices in. Two voices that I knew well and made my stomach drop. She led in a blond that I usually tried to avoid, and a black-haired guy that I always tried to avoid.

Ino sat on the loveseat across from me, cuddling close to Sai, who sat opposite me. Naruto awkwardly sat on the other side of the couch I was on. I had just made this whole ordeal awkward. I couldn't leave now without Ino getting suspicious.

"Hello Naruto, hello Sai." Naruto let out a small hello while Sai just stared intensely at me.

"Oh Sai, I have something to show you!" Ino pulled a reluctant Sai out of the room, leaving Naruto and me in silence.

There was a reason that Naruto and I would only hangout with large groups of friends. There was a reason we would only say hi in passing and only use small talk. It's because we both _knew. _We both knew what happened that night and neither of us really wanted to open old wounds.

"So your parents are away? Are they away on business?" Small talk. I could handle that.

"No, I don't think so. It's more of a vacation of sorts. How did you…?"

"Ino told us when she invited us over."

"Of course she did."

"Sai wouldn't come over until he heard that." My eyes darted up to Naruto's. He was much more intelligent than he usually let on. Was he trying to warn me about something?

"Look, Chishio. That night…"

"Don't even talk about that night!" I stood up. Naruto followed suit.

"I know Sasuke hurt you. I know your sister hurt you. I just don't want you to get too close to Sai, I don't know what to think of him yet."

"I know. I've deliberately cut everything between us." Naruto didn't need to speak his next words for me to understand them. _Apparently not. _

"He's a part of root."

"Root?"

"It's a subdivision of ANBU." My eyes hardened at that. "But it's different. It's lead by a guy named Danzo. It's really secretive and he has some technique that makes his subordinates emotionless."

I looked over at Sai and Ino in the kitchen. Ino was showing him that she had bought chocolate cake just for him. So Sai wasn't the way he was by choice? Or did he know the conditions when he joined?

"Why are you telling me this?" _I don't want you getting hurt again_, is what his eyes said.

"I need you to keep an eye on him. Ino has this crazy new infatuation with him. He'll probably be spending a lot of time with her now that you're around."

"Alright, I'll do it. I'll spy on him for you."

* * *

Spending time with Ino and Sai was a lot harder than it sounded. I wasn't the jealous type, but something about the two of them together made me upset. I didn't have my best friend and I didn't have…whatever Sai used to be to me. I spent many hours reading on the couch as Ino would tote Sai around the house, or the town.

He never looked that happy—even for Sai. It made _me _unhappy. The fact that such a thing as Sai's unhappiness made me unhappy, made my mood even worse. "Chishio?"

"Hai?" Ino's big blue eyes peered into my almond shaped red ones. It was unnerving when knowing about her clans technique. It made me wonder if she ever used it on me, if I would have any defense against it. I was good at control, but there was no controlling my mind, only my actions. How could someone shield their thoughts from anything but the outside?

"You're daydreaming again." She backed away to give me some personal space. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. Looking behind her, I found Sai. He stood with his perfect posture and normal expression. I searched his eyes for something, some kind of emotion. _Was this your choice?_ I didn't know why it meant so much to me, but it did. But if he was made—or chose—to be emotionless, then how come I was able to see some? How had some seeped through?

"Does she do this often?" Came from his lips.

"Not usually this bad. She must be thinking about _her._" Or was everything that happened between us a lie? Was he really no different from Sasuke?

"Who is 'her'?" But that was different too, wasn't it? Sasuke wasn't emotionless. He tried to be, he showed himself as such. So many times, though, he was angry. So many times he was spiteful and mean. Sometimes he was even kind. No, Sasuke wasn't emotionless. He was blocking other people out.

"I really shouldn't talk about it. I'm surprised you haven't heard about it, though." Sai's eyes met mine again. _Don't let it show. _As I searched Sai's obsidian eyes, I wondered if he could see anything in mine. Were mine not as emotionless as I tried to make them? Were they not as refined, not as lost as they should look?

Next thing I knew Ino left the house and Sai was sitting beside me on the couch. I blinked as the door closed, leaving us alone. "I read in a book that people feel more comfortable when you position yourself so you're about the same height."

"Why are you telling me this?" Had he forgotten that deal we made? Had he forgotten what we promised we would forget?

"Your eyes…used to smile when you arrived at my apartment. People smile around the people they like, I read that too. So why do you look so sad now?"

"I'm not sad." My immediate response

"But you're not happy."

"I…lost a friend in the past. I still think about it sometimes." His hand reached out for mine. It stopped right before it brushed mine, suspended in the air.

"You had a close bond, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Bonds don't change…that's something I learned from Naruto." I wanted to think that so badly. It was so tempting to think that Lidia and I were still inseparable, that we still had each others backs. "But I also learned that people change and situations change."

"A lot has changed between her and I." My hand ached to reach out to his. It still hung there. It was as if he was making physical contact an option. It was my choice for the taking—literally.

"Will you be my friend, Manami?" He was suddenly smiling. I melted. My hand found a way to his. Friends—I could do that. Ino was my friend, Shikamaru was my friend…I had tons of friends. I could handle being friends with Sai. His hand was warm against mine. Not clammy, just warm—a sense of security. I'll admit—I smiled a little. Or maybe a lot.

"I'd like that, Sai." I giggled as I pulled him into a solely friend hug. He put his chin on my head, pulling me closer into his chest. His arms felt like a shield. From what? I wasn't sure. My sister? My emotional problems? The world? Who knows—it felt warm, comfortable, and extremely safe.

"Does this sum up everything I've ever felt for you?" He spoke so quietly that his voice sounded husky. Chills ran up my spine. He was using my own words against me—but that wasn't what I noticed. I noticed the word 'felt.' That meant that he had to feel something for me. That meant that he had emotion.

"What have you felt for me, Sai?" I liked the way his name sounded, how it formed in my mouth, and danced off of my lips.

"I don't know yet," he spoke, just as quiet. "I'll tell you when I find the right definition for it." I laughed—the sound felt foreign in my chest.

"I feel happy," I said honestly.

"You're smiling." I looked up to see him staring at me, not a full-out grin like the one I was used to, but a calmer, peaceful grin. It was one I had never experienced before.

"I made a new friend today. Sai and Manami—friends. That has a nice ring to it." He was quiet for a good few seconds.

"How do two names have a ring?" His smile was gone and his eyes were looking at the wall behind me. "Is it a physical ring? Or is it a double meaning?"

"You're ruining the moment."

"A double meaning then," he spoke as he pulled me close again. The fact that Sai felt _something _for me—I didn't care what it was—meant that he was human. It didn't matter whether he had become emotionless by choice or by fate, because _now_—when it really mattered—he wasn't. In these little priceless moments that we kept sharing, he felt and showed emotion. He shared something with me that he shared with few others. Something that he wasn't used to showing. How could I deny him the same in return?

We pulled apart from our friend-hug when the front door opened and slammed against the wall. By the time we pulled apart, two figures stood in front of us—a disheveled Ino and an annoyed sensei. I averted my eyes to the floor at the sight of my sensei. I had been slacking off lately and I had no one to blame but myself. No wonder she looked pissed.

"Chishio, you're okay!" Ino said with a sigh of relief. I scratched the back of my head, awkwardly.

"Sorry about that. I was thinking about the first day we met…do you remember that?" Ino's eyes sparkled and a smile formed on her lips. She liked reminiscing. She saw memories as evidence for things in the present. The fact that we decided to be best friends back then, means that we were obviously meant to stay best friends.

"Of course!" If only she had not befriended me because of my last name. If only I knew for sure if that was a fake smile she had when I accepted her offer. Maybe the cause of our friendship filled with lies and fake smiles, was the fake smile that started it all. Maybe because the foundation was weak, the rest would crumble.

"It was recess and you came right up to me and yelled at me." For staring at Sasuke, which I _was _doing. I was openly gawking at him, much like the pink-haired girl that I used to despise. I was quick to judge someone so similar to myself at the time.

"I thought you were staring at Sasuke." He had looked so lonely sitting over by himself. There I was the most popular girl in the school, and I was unhappy. Maybe that's how he felt too. Maybe that's why I felt so drawn to him.

"But I was really staring at Shikamaru." I hated lying. It felt so wrong to lie to someone as close to me as Ino. Our friendship started with a lie, though, so it makes sense that it would be riddled with them.

"You liked him for the longest time!" I wished so badly that I could have liked him. So many things in my life would be different. I looked over to Sai. Why did I always have to be drawn to complicated individuals?

"And then out of nowhere you said, 'let's be best friends.'"

"I've got good instincts I guess." Ino was appeased, reliving a portion of our shared childhood. The fuming redhead next to her was not.

"Chishio! One of these days your mind-wandering is going to kill you!"

"Hai! I'm sorry, Misa-sensei."

"You've been completely neglecting your training! Your teammates count on you to be able to take a third of the load, and with all this training you've missed there's no way you'll be able to."

"She's been training with me, Misa-sensei." The lie flowed freely from Sai's lips. Misa-sensei focused her attention on the boy beside me.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Sai. The newest member of team—"

"Team seven, isn't it? I've heard of you." Her anger dissipated just a tad. She looked around the room one last time. "Well Ino, I expect to see improvement when we spar at the conclusion of the week." With that, Misa-sensei left as quickly as she had come. I turned the person next to me. Ino beat me to yelling.

"You two have been training?" I could clearly see a vein on her forehead.

"No!—"

"Yes."

I looked over at my new friend. Why was he continuing with the lie, even now? Since when didn't Sai tell the blatant truth no matter what?

"Why did you lie? Now I have to actually train!" I whined.

"I was being nice. Don't you tell lies to protect people?" With those few words, the anger left my eyes and face. Sai didn't understand interacting with people. Although it looked like I was teaching him some decent lessons, it also looked like I was teaching him some bad ones. I had to work on that.

"Alright Sai, Ino, here's what's going to happen." Always in control, see? "Ino—I'm going to work on the deal we made. Sai—I'm going to teach you everything you'll ever need to know about life. Capiche?"

Ha! Easier said than done!


End file.
